Despite the hard work, and Chet Kelly’s badgering, Johnny enjoyed his two weeks at Jackson Lake. The first week spent in solitude had been just what he’d needed, and the second week spent with old friends had also been just what he’d needed. The men called it quits by six each night, and then gathered in Chet’s backyard that overlooked the lake to eat supper around a bonfire. They’d talk until it grew dark, and then talk some more. Shop talk about the L.A. fire department, shop talk about the fire department in Eagle Harbor, talk about Marco’s restaurant and catering business, and talk about their families. Johnny was the only one who didn’t contribute when the subject turned to children and grandchildren, or in Marco’s case, nieces and nephews. He knew it wasn’t lost on his friends that he didn’t mention Trevor, but they respected his silence and didn’t pressure him for news of the teenager. Surprisingly enough, even Chet respected Johnny’s reticence where Trevor was concerned, which meant one of two things. Either Chet had acquired some semblance of tact in recent years, or Roy had pulled him aside and warned him to keep his mouth shut. An educated guess told Johnny it was the latter, but regardless of how it had come about, Johnny was simply grateful that Chet was remaining mum on this subject.
By the time Saturday evening arrived, Chet’s house was taking shape. The new shingles were in place, the back deck had been rebuilt, and Johnny and Roy had rewired the house while the other three men trimmed trees, dug out dead bushes, cleared away brush, and mowed the lawn. Chet still had a lot of work ahead of him if he wanted his vacation home to truly be what he pictured in his mind, but between the help he’d have from Collin and Ryan for two weeks in mid-August, and the fact that three of Chet’s brothers were going to help him for a couple of weeks in October, Chet thought by the time winter arrived the house would be looking pretty good.
Johnny had nodded his agreement to that statement as the men sat around the bonfire on Saturday night. Chet’s vacation house was similar to what Johnny had thought of buying, or possibly building, for himself when he retired. He didn’t own his sumptuous home in Eagle Harbor; it belonged to the fire department. When Johnny retired, which he figured he’d be doing sometime between his sixty-seventh and seventieth birthdays, the house would be passed onto the new fire chief. Johnny wasn’t positive he’d stay in Eagle Harbor then. If Trevor did become a doctor, then depending on where in Alaska he set up practice had been where Johnny thought he might live. Alaska was filled with small towns that contained small fire departments. Johnny had pictured himself working as a part-time volunteer firefighter and paramedic in his later years, while at the same time living near his son. But who knew what would happen now? The way things were currently looking, it was possible that Trevor would never return to Alaska. If that proved to be the case, then Johnny had no idea what his future held. Maybe he’d just go on being Eagle Harbor’s fire chief until he died, or until he got so old they kicked him out. He loved his job, and he loved Eagle Harbor and the people who inhabited it, so that alternative wasn’t the worst one in the world if his son never came back to him.
Johnny blocked out the conversation around
him as the logs on the fire crackled and spit. In January he wouldn’t have
imagined that seven short months later, he’d be wondering if Trevor would ever
live with him again. He wished he could turn the clock back and seize the
moment when things began to fall apart between himself and his son, because
somehow that moment had passed him by. One minute they were arguing about the
petty things all teenagers argue over with their parents, and then the next
thing Johnny knew, May had arrived and they were engaged in an all-out war.
This past week he’d found himself envying the relationship Chet had with
Ryan. He’d watched them work together,
and tease and poke fun at one another. Then there had been times when Chet
would give his son a pat on the back, or Ryan would do the same to Chet, and Johnny
would think, That’s all I want for Trevor and me. I’ve always wanted our
relationship to keep the father and son element to it, but I had always hoped
that once he reached adulthood, we could be friends, too.
Johnny had made his weekly phone call to Trevor on Friday evening. Considering the last time they’d talked, they’d gotten into an argument over the party Trevor wanted to attend, their conversation was understandably strained. If nothing else, Johnny was happy that Trevor was working at the Gap. He figured employment, to some extent anyway, would keep the teen out of trouble, and give him something to do during the long hours that Ashton and Franklin were away from the apartment. Nonetheless, it wasn’t the life Johnny wanted for his son, and the fact that his fifteen-year-old was so far from him, and living with so little supervision, worried the hell out of him.
Johnny leaned forward in his chair and massaged his temples. He’d woken with a headache that morning, and no amount of Motrin would abate it. Nor was the Motrin helping the sore muscles in his thighs, lower back, and shoulders.
Based on the concern in Roy’s tone, Johnny realized this was the second time the man was asking him, “Johnny? Are you okay?”
“Um...yeah.” Johnny straightened and rolled his neck from side to side. “Just tired. I’ve had a headache all day I can’t get rid of, and I’m kinda sore, but I’m okay.”
“Whatsa’ matter, Gage,” Chet asked, “gettin’ old?”
Johnny glared at the Irishman, who was seated to his left on the other side of Marco. “No, Kelly, I’m not gettin’ old. Maybe I’m sore and tired because you’ve just gotten two weeks of free labor outta me. Ever think of that?”
“Nope, that thought hadn’t crossed my mind. Like I said, I think you’re gettin’ old.”
Johnny grabbed the arms of the lawn chair to use as leverage to push himself to his feet. He bit back a groan at the pain that shot through his thighs.
“Well, Chet, since both you and my son think I’m ancient, I guess it’s time for this old codger to go to bed.”
“Hey, Johnny, come on. I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s only eight o’clock. I thought we’d go inside and play cards in a few minutes.”
“You guys play all the cards you want to. I’m goin’ to bed.”
“Okay,” Chet reluctantly agreed, uncertain if what he’d said to Johnny about being old was driving the fire chief away, or if, in fact, Johnny was sore and tired like he claimed. “See ya’ in the morning.”
“Yeah, see ya’ in the morning.”
“Good night, Johnny,” Marco said.
“Night.”
“See ya’ in the morning, Johnny.”
“Yeah, Ryan, I’ll see you then.”
Roy was the only one who didn’t bid Johnny goodnight. He watched the man walk to the back door, his gait stiff and cautious, as though every step was painful.
“He’s not moving too good,” Chet said once Johnny had entered the house.
“He looks pretty sore,” Marco agreed.
“Roy?”
Roy turned to face Chet. “What?”
“What’s wrong with him?”
Roy couldn’t help but smile. Johnny’s number one foe was still the guy who worried about him the most sometimes.
“I’d say he’s tired and sore.”
“Roy...”
“Chet, if Johnny says he’s tired and sore, then he’s tired and sore.”
“But he was okay yesterday.”
“Yeah, but like he said, he’s been up here working for two weeks now. I know we all think of Johnny Gage as Station 51’s perpetual kid, but let’s face it, guys, Johnny hasn’t been twenty-five in a long time now, and neither have we.”
“As much as I’d like to, I can’t argue with that,” Marco said as he stretched his legs out in front of him, trying to relieve a few sore muscles of his own.
Ryan reached over and smacked Chet on the thigh. “Neither can you, Dad.”
Ryan’s remark caused Chet to forget about Johnny as he and his son bantered back and forth in typical Kelly fashion. When the teasing came to an end, Chet put the fire out and led the way into the house. The four men played cards until eleven, and then one by one headed to bed.
Johnny was sleeping when Roy entered the room they shared. The light from the full moon that was coming in through the screens of the sliding doors allowed Roy to forego turning on the overhead bedroom light. This past week of bunking with Johnny had displayed to Roy that the man’s favorite sleeping position was still on his back, with his right arm resting over his eyes. But tonight, Johnny was on his left side and burrowed deep in his sleeping bag. Roy found that a little odd considering that even with the windows open and the door slid open that led to the deck, the room’s temperature didn’t warrant more covers than a sheet.
Roy kept his footsteps light as he crossed to his cot and sat down. He removed his work boots and quietly set them on the floor, then stripped down to his boxer shorts. As far as Roy could discern, Johnny never woke while he got ready for bed. Ten minutes after Roy had entered the room, he was sound asleep as well.
The same Saturday night Johnny had gone to bed early with a headache, Trevor was walking out of the Gap at eleven o’clock. This was the first evening he’d worked until after dark. Inventory was being done in the store, and Trevor had volunteered to work as long as needed. He’d punched in at nine that morning, and was glad the day was finally over. As he walked out the back door of the store with his shift manager and another girl, Trevor bid the young ladies goodnight. His manager, Nicole, asked, “Need a ride home, Trevor?”
The teenager shook his head. “No thanks.” He knew Nicole lived in the opposite direction from his mother’s apartment, as did the other girl he had worked with that evening, Crystal. Nicole was giving Crystal a ride home as it was. Trevor didn’t want to impose on Nicole to go out of her way on his behalf. Besides, it was a nice summer night. Considering he’d been in the store for over fourteen hours, Trevor was looking forward to the walk home.
“See you on Monday then,” Nicole said in regard to the next time she and Trevor would work together.
“Yeah, see you Monday. Bye, Crystal.”
“Bye, Trev.”
Employing the manners he’d been taught by his father without even thinking about it, Trevor waited until the young women were safely in Nicole’s car before walking out of the small parking lot. He followed the path Nicole took through the alley. She turned her Hondo Civic right when she came to the main thoroughfare, while Trevor walked in the opposite direction and headed home.
The boy daydreamed as he walked. The sidewalks were filled with people going to and from restaurants and theatres, or just out for a summer evening stroll. Trevor thought about how he’d spent the day, versus how he would have spent it back in Eagle Harbor if he were still living there. In Eagle Harbor, he would have been outdoors, working for Gus. He might have done maintenance on a plane, or cleaned out the airport’s hanger or mechanic shop, or flown with Gus while the man tried out a new plane, or just listened to how an old plane they’d just finished repairing sounded. Instead, he’d spent the day cooped up inside a building, folding clothes, returning misplaced items to their proper racks, clerking behind the cash register, and taking inventory. Admittedly, he was having a hard time understanding how Libby Sheridan could love a job so much that he was beginning to hate. His co-workers were nice enough, and even though he’d left Zach’s party early, they were still friends. But despite those factors, Trevor was discovering that, like his father, he wasn’t cut out for a job that didn’t allow him to expend his enormous amount of energy. And, as a direct result of his father’s influence, he’d grown up with a great love for the outdoors, so city dwelling and clerking in a store were not things Trevor enjoyed. Though admitting that meant admitting he’d made a mistake by coming to live with his mother, and the stubborn fifteen-year-old wasn’t ready to make such a confession. Especially not to his father.
Because he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings, Trevor didn’t notice when he’d turned from a busy sidewalk onto one that was far less traveled that evening. Nor did he notice the three boys who stepped out from an alley and began to follow him. It wasn’t until Trevor heard footsteps pounding from behind him that he turned around. All he heard was, “Get him!” before Trevor, too, started to run.
Because he’d been caught unaware, Trevor had little chance to flee the boys who were intent on getting his wallet. He was flung to the sidewalk and felt the weight of three bodies on top of him. His mind automatically begged, “Papa, help me!” as fists pounded against his sides, and a hand groped his back right pant’s pocket where his wallet was nestled.
Trevor was no match for the boys and he knew it. He also knew he would have been seriously injured if sirens hadn’t suddenly sounded, along with a man’s voice projecting from a speaker.
“Hey, stop that! Break it up!”
Trevor’s assailants scrambled to their feet and ran before they were able to hurt him further, or able to get his wallet. The teenager didn’t know who was more shocked when a man gently helped him sit up, himself or Captain Blain.
“Trevor?”
Trevor sat on the curb the captain led him to. For the first time he saw both the Station 83 engine and paramedic squad parked on the street with their red lights illuminating the area in strobe fashion.
Trevor spoke around a split lower lip to the man who was crouched beside him. “What...what are you doing here?”
“We were headed back to the station after a run and saw those boys tangling with you.” Captain Blain moved aside as his paramedics knelt in front of Trevor. “I didn’t know it was you they were beating up, but I figured whoever was underneath that monkey pile needed help.”
“Thanks,” Trevor said, wincing as his bloody lip was dabbed with gauze. “I don’t even know who those guys were.”
“I’m guessing they were trying to mug you.”
“Mug me? But why? I never did anything to them. I don’t even know them.”
Captain Blain gave the boy a sad smile. “Well, Trev, welcome to the big city. Unfortunately, whether or not someone knows you has little to do with whether or not they commit a crime against you.”
After taking Trevor’s vital signs, asking him questions, and examining his abdomen and rib cage, the paramedics determined his injuries didn’t extend beyond a few bruises, his split lip, and a long scrape on his left cheek where his face had landed against the sidewalk. They cleaned his face and conferred as to whether or not he should be taken to the hospital.
“No,” Trevor said. “I’m fine. I don’t need to go to the hospital.”
“Trevor, you’re a minor,” the captain said. “I can’t—“
“My mother’s a doctor. She’s home from work by now. I’ll have her look at me when I get there.”
“I’m not sure—“
“I don’t live far from here. I’ll be fine. Mom can look at me when I get home.”
The last thing Trevor needed was his father finding out he’d walked home from work after dark, been mugged, and ended up in the hospital. Trevor knew he’d be in big trouble over this incident with Pops, and while he knew he deserved to be chastised for his foolishness, he just wasn’t up to going another round with his father on the telephone. If he were in the hospital, there was no way his mother would keep that fact from his father. But, if he downplayed this, then maybe Mom wouldn’t tell Pops.
“Really, Captain Blain, I’m okay.”
“I should at least call the cops so you can give them a statement.”
“No, don’t,” Trevor pleaded, again fearful that his father would find out about this if the police got involved. “I didn’t see the guys, so there’s nothing I can tell the cops anyway. I’m fine. I just wanna go home.”
The man thought a moment, then nodded to his paramedics who began to gather their equipment.
“All right. If you say so.” The captain hooked a hand under Trevor’s right armpit and helped him stand. He led the boy to the passenger side of the fire engine. “Come on. Climb in.”
“Why?”
“We’re taking you home.”
“You can’t do that. You’re on-duty. You’ll get in trouble.”
“Why? You plan to tell on me?”
“No, but—“
“Then don’t worry about it. If anyone asks, I’ll just say I’m doing my civic duty as a public servant of New York City.” The man smiled. “Now climb in and give Ben directions to your mom’s place.”
Trevor did as he was instructed. He sat between the engineer, Ben, and Captain Blain, and told Ben how to get to his mother’s apartment. The paramedic squad headed back to the station while the engine turned left at the next corner. Within five minutes Trevor was standing in front of his mother’s building. The night-shift doorman stepped out to see if everything was all right. When Captain Blain assured him that there was no emergency, he went back into the building.
Captain Blain’s crew waited in the truck while the man said goodbye to Trevor.
“Now I’m taking your word for it that you’ll tell your mother what happened and have her look at you.”
“I will.”
“All right.”
“Thanks for bringing me home. And thanks for helping me. I...those guys would have really hurt me if you hadn’t come along.”
“Hey, from one firefighter’s brat to another, no thanks are necessary, okay?”
Despite the pain it caused him, Trevor smiled. Since meeting Rich Blain, he’d come to learn that the man’s father had been a firefighter for forty years before his retirement in 2002.
“Okay.” Trevor waved to the men in the truck, and then turned for the door and the heavily lit foyer beyond it.
“Trevor?”
The teenager turned around to once again face Captain Blain.
“Yeah?”
“There’s no shame in admitting you made a mistake.”
“Huh?”
“The more I get to know you, the more I get the impression you aren’t happy living here.”
Trevor’s eyes dropped to the sidewalk as he shrugged. “It’s okay. I mean, yeah...I’m happy.”
“You don’t sound too sure of that.”
Trevor looked up at the man. “Now you sound like my pops.”
“So he doesn’t think you’re happy here either?”
“No, he doesn’t, but that’s just ‘cause he wants me to move back hom...back to Eagle Harbor.”
“I don’t know exactly what happened between you and your father, but you’ve told me enough that I can take a pretty good guess.”
“We had a few fights,” Trevor confessed. “We don’t always see eye to eye.”
Rich laughed. “What father and son do see eye to eye when the son is a teenager?”
Trevor didn’t have an answer for the man’s question, which caused the captain to continue. “Listen, Trev, not everyone is cut out for big city life, just like not everyone is cut out for small town life. From the way you’ve described Eagle Harbor, it sounds beautiful, but I couldn’t imagine living there.”
“You’d love it. It’s a great place to live.”
“I’m sure it is, but I’m a city boy, born and raised here in New York. I couldn’t adapt to life in Alaska. It just wouldn’t be for me. So given that, maybe life here in New York isn’t for you.”
“Maybe,” Trevor reluctantly admitted. “I’ve...sometimes I wonder about that.”
Captain Blain placed his hand on Trevor’s right shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “It was a boy’s choice to leave Alaska, Trevor. But if you return...well, that will be a man’s choice, because it takes a man to admit he’s made a mistake, apologize to someone he’s hurt, and then move on.”
Trevor nodded while absorbing the man’s words.
“Now go in and have your mom take a look at you. And if you do decide to leave New York, make sure you come by the station and tell me and the guys goodbye.”
“I will.”
“See ya’, Trev.”
“Bye.”
Trevor watched as the man climbed up into the cab of the big rig. As Ben started to pull away from the curb, Trevor called over the noise of the rumbling diesel engine, “Thanks, Captain Blain!”
Using a gesture that made Trevor think of his father, Captain Blain gave the boy a thumbs-up as the truck headed down the street.
Trevor watched until he could no longer see the vehicle, and then entered his mother’s building. Captain Blain had given him a lot to think about, not the least of which was the difference between a boy and a man.
_____________________
Trevor used his key to enter the apartment. The only light shining was coming from an antique lamp in the living room. His mother was curled up in one corner of the sofa wearing a pair of pale blue stain pajamas and a matching robe. She had the television on, but wasn’t paying any attention to it as she read a medical journal she had open in her lap. She turned when she heard the door close and lock. Trevor’s face was still hidden in the shadows of the foyer when his mother said, “I was beginning to wonder where you were.”
Because he usually didn’t see his mother before she left for work in the morning, Trevor always left a note on the kitchen bulletin board for her that let her know when he’d be home from work. Oftentimes that made little difference since he was generally home before her each evening, but it was another habit he’d been taught by his father – the courtesy of leaving a note to let a family member know where you were and when to expect you back.
“I left you a note,” Trevor said as he bent to remove his tennis shoes.
“I saw it. But it’s after midnight. I was expecting you home forty-five minutes ago.”
Then in that case, if you were Pops, you would have come looking for me, instead of sitting here watching TV.
Trevor was surprised at the bitter note behind his thoughts, but chalked his feelings up to weariness and a sore face.
It was that sore face that prompted his mother to set her journal on the coffee table and stand when Trevor stepped out of the shadows of the foyer.
“Honey, what happened?”
Trevor thought of lying to his mother. He knew exactly what he could say that she’d believe. He could tell her that he and Zach were racing one another down the sidewalk and that he fell. He almost did say it, but then he remembered Captain Blain’s words about being a man, and how so much of the reason why he was in New York in the first place was because he wanted to prove to his father that he deserved to be treated like a man.
“I...some guys tried to mug me.”
“Trevor!”
“Don’t worry, I’m fine.”
Ashton led her son to the couch. As she carefully probed his face she said, “It looks like these wounds have been cleaned.”
“They have been. The paramedics from Station 83 took care of them for me.”
“You were hurt badly enough that someone called paramedics?”
“No, no,” Trevor said, then told his mother how the men from Station 83 just happened to come along while the mugging was in process.
“That was a blessing,” Ashton said.
“Yeah, it was.”
Ashton parted Trevor’s hair and probed for bumps while asking him if he’d been hit on the head or had lost consciousness.
“No.”
“You’re not dizzy or nauseous?”
“No.”
“And you’re not hurt anywhere else?”
“Just some bruises around my ribs, but I’m okay.”
“Let me see.”
“Mom...”
“Trevor, let me see.”
Trevor unbuttoned his khaki safari shirt and allowed his mother to examine his ribcage. As he knew would be the case, she didn’t find any signs of injury, and he was able to tell her that no, he didn’t feel any pain each time she palpated his ribs and then his abdomen. When Trevor’s mother asked him if he’d reported this to police, he told her the same he’d told Captain Blain. He hadn’t gotten a look at the faces of the boys who assaulted him, so what was the point? His mother didn’t insist they call the cops anyway, like his father would have, which further emphasized to the young man how different his mother and father were in terms of their parenting styles.
“Okay, Mr. Gage, you can button your shirt,” the doctor said to her son with a smile. “I believe you’re fine.”
“I am.”
Ashton reached out and fingered combed Trevor’s thick bangs back into place. “Good. And since you are fine, we won’t mention this incident to your father, all right?”
Trevor mulled this suggestion over a moment. It’s not as though he wanted to mention this to his father, especially since he’d been told by his father not to walk home after dark, but still, he found it surprising that his mother wasn’t going to make him tell Pops. Or, if nothing else, tell Johnny herself. Trevor knew Pops would tell her if something like this had happened to him in Eagle Harbor.
“Trev?”
“All right. If that’s what you want.”
“I think it will be easier on both of us if we don’t bare our souls where this matter is concerned, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“I know your father has told you not to walk home after dark.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because he’s told me not to let you walk home after dark.”
“Oh.”
Then
where were you tonight when you read my note and knew I’d be getting off of
work so late?
“So, from now on, honey, please call a cab if it’s dark when you get off of work, okay?”
“Okay,” Trevor acknowledged, while at the same time pushing away the disappointment he was feeling over the fact that his mother didn’t say she’d pick him up if he had to work late, or that she’d have Franklin do so. Again, it was another reminder of how different his life was in her household as opposed to what it had been in his father’s household.
Trevor stood to button his shirt and tuck it back into the olive green cargo pants he was wearing.
“Now, young man, I think you’d better get to bed,” Ashton said, as she turned off the TV. “Everyone else is asleep, so you and I should join them.”
Trevor couldn’t deny that he was tired, but other than the first two weeks he’d spent here, he so rarely had time alone with his mother, that if he was going to get a question answered that had been plaguing him for months, now was the time to ask it.
“Mom?”
Ashton looked up as she set the remote control on the corner of a marble-topped end table. “Yes, sweetheart?”
“How come you and Pops never got married?”
Silence lingered in the room.
“Mom? How come? It’s because he didn’t ask you, isn’t it? It’s because he didn’t want to make a commitment to you.”
Ashton looked her son in the eyes, eyes such a deep shade of chocolate brown like his father’s.
“That’s it, right?” Trevor pushed on when his mother didn’t answer him. “He didn’t want to make a commitment to you, did he?”
Ashton didn’t answer her son. Instead, she put an arm around Trevor’s shoulders. “Come with me.”
“Where?”
“To the kitchen. I didn’t have any supper, how about you?”
“Just a sandwich on my break at five o’clock.”
“Then I’ll make us some scrambled eggs and toast.”
“But I wanna know about you and Pops. About what happened. About why the two of you never got married.”
“If you think you’re ready to hear some things you might not like, then I’ll tell you,” Ashton said softly. “But in the kitchen, while we eat.”
Trevor hesitated a moment, but when he saw his mother would have it no other way, he nodded. He didn’t even know she could cook, since he’d never seen her do that domestic chore in all the years he’d been visiting her.
The living room and formal dining room were really one vast room in the center of the apartment. Franklin’s study and the master bedroom suite were housed in a short hallway off the living room, while the remaining three bedrooms and bathroom were in a hallway behind the dining room. The kitchen was through a swinging door off the north end of the dining room. Trevor followed his mother into the room, squinting slightly as the bright overhead light she turned on assaulted his eyes.
As anxious as Trevor was to continue the conversation that had been started in the living room, he respected his mother’s silence as she prepared scrambled eggs while instructing Trevor to make toast. Considering her profession, she was generally conscientious about the foods she ate, therefore Trevor was surprised to see her add shredded cheese to the eggs, and pull out a frozen bag of hash browns that she cooked in a separate pan. She smiled at her son when she caught him watching her.
“Just don’t snitch on me to Franklin, okay?”
“Okay.”
Trevor got out plates and silverware, and set the items on the center island behind him. When the food was dished up, his mother poured herself a glass of orange juice, and her son a glass of milk.
“You love milk, just like your father always did.”
“He still does. He drinks even more of it now that he quit drinking coffee a few years ago.”
“I’m sure he does,” Ashton agreed.
Trevor carried the plates to the square oak table at the far end of the kitchen, his mother following with the beverages. They ate in silence until their plates were half empty, then Ashton sat back in her chair and dapped at the corners of her mouth with a napkin.
“That tastes good, even if I do say so myself.”
“It is good. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
Ashton played with her fork a moment, and then asked, “Trevor, do want to hear the truth about your father and me, even if that truth isn’t what you expect it to be?”
“I wanna hear it.”
“Even if it hurts you?”
“Hurts me? How is it gonna hurt me?”
“Trev, not every situation in life is as we imagine it to have been. Especially a situation like this – one you have no memory of. I get the impression you’ve created a certain...vision in your mind of the time your father and I spent together. If you find out that vision is wrong, can you accept that?”
“Sure I can.”
“Don’t sound so certain of something you know nothing about, sweetheart.”
“But how can I know about it if you and Pops won’t tell me?”
“Just what has your father told you?”
“All he’s told me is that the two of you never got married because it wouldn’t have worked out.”
“And what do you think about that?”
“I think it’s an excuse, for one thing. I think he doesn’t want to tell me that he never asked you, and that eventually you got tired of waiting around for him to, and left us. Then you came here to New York and found other opportunities, and that was the end of it. Even if Pops had wanted to ask you, it was too late.”
“I see. Well, son, you’re wrong. Your father asked me to marry him numerous times. I...I continuously turned him down.”
Trevor’s jaw dropped. For so many months now, he had been certain he’d had his parents’ relationship figured out. He had been certain he knew the reasons why a marriage never took place, and why he’d been raised clear across the country from his mother. He’d thought it was his father’s fault. He’d thought his father had somehow driven his mother away.
“But...but why?”
“For a number of reasons, the main one being exactly what he told you. A marriage between us just wasn’t going to work out.”
“But why not?”
“Honey, look around you. Look at how I live. Look at where I live. Look at the lifestyle I’ve created for myself.”
“Yeah? So?”
“Now think of your father and the man he is. Of where he lives, and the lifestyle he’s created for himself and you. Do you really think John...your father, would be happy living here in New York in this apartment?”
Trevor thought of his life in Eagle Harbor. The home in the wilderness surrounded by pine trees and mountains. The barn and the animals it contained. The way his father loved to hike, and camp, and fish, and ride horses. The way his father loved the responsibilities he had to the hamlet of Eagle Harbor and the surrounding small communities. The way everyone knew his father by name and by sight, and depended on him for so many things. Important things, like running Eagle Harbor’s fire department and paramedic program. Fun things, like organizing the town’s picnic each summer and Christmas parade each winter. Charitable things, like the holiday food and clothing drive. And then the things John Gage didn’t get paid for, like visiting elderly people who were housebound and in need of periodic basic medical care such as blood pressure checks or a minor wound treated.
“I...I...no, I don’t guess Pops would wanna live like this.”
“He doesn’t. He didn’t. That’s one of the reasons why things didn’t work out between us.”
“But you guys lived together for seven years. How could you live together for seven years and not figure out a way to make it work?”
“Seven years?”
“Yeah.”
“We only lived together for six years, sweetie. Actually, about five and half.”
“Huh?”
“We went our separate ways right after you were born.”
“What?”
“You didn’t know?”
“No. I...I guess I always assumed that you and Pops lived together until he and I moved to Eagle Harbor when I was a year old. That’s when I thought you came to New York. I...I thought he drove you away. I thought he wouldn’t let you take me with you.”
“How long have you thought this?”
“I don’t know. I guess for the past six months or so.”
“Trevor, I realize you and father haven’t gotten along very well since Christmas, but it sounds to me as though you’ve been fabricating things in your mind in an effort to have a reason to be angry with him.”
“No, I haven’t been! And besides, it’s not my fault he won’t tell me the truth.”
“To a large extent, he did tell you the truth when he told you that things weren’t going to work out between himself and me.”
“But—“
Ashton held up a hand to silence her son, who, when he got on a rant, could be just like his father when it came to trying to stop him. “And I strongly suspect the reason he hasn’t told you more than that is because he’s afraid the truth would hurt you. Along with that, he’s protecting me, and protecting my relationship with you.”
“Protecting you? How? Why?”
“The why is easy. Because that’s just the kind of man he is. The how...this is the how...if you think you’re old enough to hear the truth, that is.”
“I’m old enough.”
And so Trevor heard the how. He heard how his mother hadn’t wanted children back then. He heard how her schooling and career were her top priorities during the years she was living with his father. He heard how she had wanted to have an abortion when she found out she was pregnant with him, and he heard how his father had begged her not to. Then he heard how, on the day he was born, his mother handed him to his father and said, “Here. He's yours. You wanted him, you raise him.”
After that, Trevor heard how his mother had not returned to the condominium his father had owned in Denver when she was released from the hospital after his birth, but instead had lived with a girlfriend for a short period of time before moving to New York. According to Trevor’s mother, it then wasn’t until he was three years old that she had expressed interest in establishing a relationship with him.
“I can’t and won’t make excuses for the past, Trevor,” the woman said when her story was done. “I’ve been very blessed to get to know you as my son these past twelve years, and to have you in my life. If it hadn’t been for your father’s willingness, I wouldn’t have gotten to know you at all. He’s your custodial parent. He could have refused my request to have a yearly visit with you, especially considering you were three before I expressed a desire to establish that arrangement. If John had wanted to fight me on it, it’s quite possible a judge would have ruled for him based on the fact that I had willingly walked out of your life the day you were born. And then, added to that, the fact that through e-mails and phone calls, your father has kept me abreast of so many of your accomplishments and events these past twelve years. Again, he didn’t have to do that, and honestly, I never asked him to. You’re his whole world, Trevor, and he’s done his best to make certain you’re a part of my world, too, even though I think, deep down, there have been times when John wishes I’d never come back into his life when you were three.”
“Why?”
Ashton gave her son a sad smile. “Don’t you think it might be hard for him to see me married to Franklin? Don’t you think it might be hard for him to have to communicate with the woman who turned down his marriage proposals?”
“Yeah,” Trevor nodded thoughtfully, “I suppose it is.”
The woman reached across the table and grasped her son’s hand in hers.
“Trevor, I can’t tell you what to think of me as a result of what you’ve just learned. Only you can sort out your feelings about all of this. I’ll respect anything you decide, or whatever choices you make, now that you know the truth. I had never planned to tell you any of this, any more than it sounds like your father planned to share it with you. But I couldn’t let you go on blaming your father for something that wasn’t his fault, or assuming things about his role in the breakup of our relationship that just aren’t true. Your father is a good man, Trevor. He loves you so much. He wanted you so much. Despite the fact that the day you were born marked the end of our relationship, your father’s eyes lit up every time he held you. He did what a lot of men in his position wouldn’t have. He took you with him and made a home for you. He always worked his schedule, and his life, around you and your needs. He passed up a promotion within the Denver Fire Department when you were just weeks old, because he knew it would interfere with his ability to be with you. He chose to move to Eagle Harbor because he didn’t want to raise you in a big city, but instead, wanted to give you the safety and security of small town life. Whether or not the choices he made for himself are choices I would have made, is neither here nor there. John’s choices have always been based on what’s best for you, and I can never fault him for that.”
Trevor nodded because the lump in his throat wouldn’t allow him to speak. He squeezed his mother’s hand, while keeping his eyes on his plate. When he released her hand and stood, he kissed the top of her head, said softly, “I love you, Mom. Thanks for telling me,” and headed for his bedroom.
Ashton knew she’d given Trevor a lot to think about. As she began cleaning up the kitchen, she wondered how much longer it would be before he decided to return to Eagle Harbor.
_____________________
Libby,
My mom told me some really shocking news last night. She wanted to have an abortion when she was pregnant with me, but Pops begged her not to. He had asked her to marry him a lot of times, too, but she kept telling him no. I wish Pops had told me the truth when I’d asked, but I realize he was trying to protect my mom. Trying to make her look good in my eyes, you know what I mean? I wish he hadn’t done that, though. I wish he’d told me the truth, because now I know I said some things that must have hurt him a lot.
I got mugged last night, but they didn’t get my wallet, and I’m okay. Pops had told me not to walk home from the Gap after dark, but I did anyway. I’m going to tell him about it when I talk to him. I know he’ll be mad, but that’s okay, because I deserve to get yelled at.
Today’s my day off from work, and I’m glad. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.
Trevor
The last
morning spent at Chet’s home wasn’t designated as a morning for work, but instead,
it was a morning to load the vehicles, clean the cabinets and refrigerator of
all food, and secure the house. By nine
o’clock, three vehicles were headed toward the town of Jackson Lake, where Chet
was buying everyone breakfast. Johnny’s gear had been loaded into Roy’s
mini-van so that he’d have as few delays as possible when dropping off his
rented Explorer.
Johnny
didn’t reveal to anyone that he still wasn’t feeling well. Despite the fact that he’d had eleven hours
of sleep, he was tired and plagued by severe muscle aches. His headache was
more of a dull throb now, rather than a vicious pound, but nonetheless, it was
painful. Roy thought Johnny looked pale and seemed sluggish as they folded
their cots and sleeping bags, but when he asked Johnny if he was all right, Roy
was told, “Yeah, I’m fine,” so didn’t pursue the matter.
When all
Johnny ordered for breakfast was orange juice and toast, Chet quipped, “What’s
goin’ on, Gage? You on a diet or
something?”
“No. I’m
just not that hungry.”
“Since
when?”
“Since
now, Chet, okay?”
“Geez,
Gage, you don’t have to get testy about it. When a guy’s offering to buy you
breakfast you should take him up on it.”
“Tell ya’
what, Kelly, the next time I feel like pancakes, eggs, hash browns, bacon, and
French toast all in one sitting, I’ll give you a call.”
“Hey, I’m
retired now, remember? My generosity
isn’t gonna extend that far. Do me a
favor and lose my number before you get that hungry.”
“I’ve been
tryin’ to lose your number for years, Kelly, but every time I do, you buy an
old house and manage to track me down.”
“Shut up,
Gage.”
“No,
Kelly. You shut up.”
Roy and
Marco exchanged smiles over the fact that the week was going to end just as it
had begun, with a typical Johnny and Chet exchange. Roy figured that, despite
Johnny’s meager breakfast, he couldn’t be feeling that bad if he was up to
bantering with Chet.
When
breakfast had been eaten and the bill paid, the men gathered in the
restaurant’s parking lot to say goodbye.
Chet held
his hand out to Johnny. “Gage, even though you’re still a pain in the ass,
thanks for all your help these past two weeks.”
Johnny
shook the hand he was offered, only to jump and howl, “Chet!” when he grasped a
buzzer.
Chet
laughed. “Told you the Phantom was gonna have to come out of retirement.”
“Yeah,
well if you ever want my help again, you’ll put him back in retirement.”
“Aw, Gage,
ever since you’ve become a big shot up there in Alaska you’re no fun,” Chet
said as he climbed behind the wheel of his Jeep. “See you guys next Saturday at Roy’s.”
“See ya’ next Saturday,”
Roy confirmed to Chet, Marco, and Ryan.
“See ya’
Saturday,” Johnny said. “But leave the
damn buzzer at home.”
That
directive sent Chet into a new round of laughter. “Like I said, Gage, you’re no
fun. But, hey, thanks a lot. And I mean
that.”
“You’re
welcome.”
As Chet
drove his Jeep out of the parking lot, Roy and Johnny got in their
vehicles. Johnny led the way through
Jackson Lake, and then on to Fresno. It
was noon when Johnny climbed in the passenger seat of Roy’s mini-van. Roy had waited in the parking lot of the
rental car agency while Johnny returned the Explorer.
“Everything
all set?” Roy asked.
“Yeah.”
“You
hungry?”
“Not really,
but if you wanna stop somewhere, go ahead.”
“No, I’m
not hungry yet. I’ll drive a while. I
just thought you might be hungry since you didn’t have much for breakfast.”
“No, I’m
okay.”
“All
right,” Roy nodded.
Johnny
kept up his end of the small talk Roy engaged him in for the next few minutes,
but then fell silent. Several miles
later, Roy glanced to his right and saw that his friend was sleeping.
Geez,
Junior, and I was even gonna let you drive.
Roy
had to wake Johnny up when he pulled into the parking lot of a Burger King at
two o’clock.
“Hey,
Johnny, wake up. Let’s get something to
eat.”
Much like
that morning at Chet’s house, Johnny seemed sluggish and sore.
“You
okay?”
“Yeah. I
think Chet worked me like a horse, that’s all.”
“I’ve
never known hard work to bother you before.”
“Well,
Pally,” Johnny said as he climbed out of the vehicle, “like my son would be
happy to tell you, I’m gettin’ old.”
Johnny
winced as he walked on sore legs toward the restaurant. The men visited the rest room first, then
Roy approached the counter.
“What do
you want?”
Johnny
didn’t look up the menu. “Just a hamburger and a Coke.”
“Nothing
else?”
“No.”
“Just a
plain hamburger? Not a Whopper or something like that?”
“No. Just
a plain hamburger.”
Johnny
reached for his wallet and handed his friend a ten dollar bill. “Here, use this to pay for yours, too.”
“You don’t
have to do that.”
“You put
gas in the mini-van, so let me buy lunch.”
Roy didn’t
argue, simply because he knew it would do him no good. John Gage didn’t easily part with his money,
but when he insisted he was going to pay for something, then he meant it.
Roy
decided to forego a big meal for himself, as well. He knew Joanne would have
supper ready at six o’clock, so ordered a cheeseburger and a Coke.
Roy
carried the food tray to the table Johnny had chosen. Considering the time of
day, the restaurant was empty with the exception of one family of four, and
three teenaged girls.
“Whatta
ya’ knockin’ my lunch for, if that’s all you’re eating?” Johnny asked as he
picked up his hamburger and drink from the tray.
“I’m not
knocking your lunch, but you can afford the calories better than I can.”
Johnny
chuckled. “What? Does Joanne still have you on a diet?”
“Joanne
always has me on a diet.”
“Then it’s
your lucky week, Roy, ‘cause whenever Trevor and...whenever I visit, Jo cooks
like she’s feeding an army.”
“Now you know why I want