THE CALM AFTER THE STORM

By: Kenda

*The Calm After The Storm inspired by the aired episode, Sudden Storm. Reference is also made in this story to the aired episode, I Thought The War Was Over.

 

*As is true with several of my stories, there’s an indirect reference in this story to a fan fic story entitled, A Journey Into The Past, by Brenda A.  I don’t believe A Journey Into The Past is housed anywhere on the Internet.  It was an excellent piece of fan fiction, and was based on the theory that A.J. was ten years old when his father died, and in the car when Jack Simon was killed as a result of injuries incurred that night.  Brenda wrote this story several years before the episode May The Road Rise Up aired.

 

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Cecilia Simon entered the vast modern office complex and walked its corridors to the office where her scheduled weekly appointment was to take place. She entered the small, desolate waiting room and registered with the receptionist, then sat and leafed through a magazine for the next ten minutes. The door to the inner office finally opened, and a young woman exited. The receptionist smiled at Cecilia.

“Mrs. Simon, you can go in now.”

 The office Cecilia entered was comfortable and feminine. It was decorated in pinks, mauves, and light grays, with just a touch of pale blue here and there. Upon first seeing this office Cecilia had thought of it as homey, and found it soothing to be in this room that was so similar in color and decor to her own bedroom and master bathroom at home. Even the contrasting wallpapers on the walls that were separated by a white chair rail molding were similar to the wallpapers and border Cecilia had chosen for her bedroom when she had redecorated three years earlier. Cecilia guessed this was why she felt at ease here. Why this place didn't fill her with nearly the dread and anxiety she had anticipated it would weeks earlier when she and her sons had arrived here for her first appointment.

 

Abby Marsh recommended this large building called, The Family Center, first to Rick and A.J., then to Cecilia. Abby knew of more than one sexual assault victim who had sought and received help here, and she also had a good friend who was employed here as a counselor to women just like Cecilia  - women who had been raped. The mutual bond the counselor and Cecilia shared through their friendship with Abby also made those first awkward sessions easier for the older lady. She and her counselor had formed a friendship as well, though not such a strong friendship that the counselor couldn't be objective or helpful, but instead, just enough of a friendship to calm Cecilia's nerves and fears.

 

Upon hearing someone enter the room now, the petite, red-headed counselor looked up from her papers, "Oh, Cecilia. Hi! You startled me. I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in."

 

"That's all right, Kay,” Cecilia smiled. “You were hard at work, as usual." 

 

"Oh, yes. No rest for the wicked, you know," the counselor chuckled as she rose from behind her desk. She crossed to the beverage cart that rested against the east wall and poured two cups of coffee. She walked over and handed one to Cecilia, who had already made herself comfortable in one of the overstuffed easy chairs that was part of the room's decor. Kay sat in a chair identical to Cecilia's and put her feet up on the small footstool sitting in front of it.

 

If Cecilia hadn't known this office was a rape crisis center, she would have thought she was in a friend's living room, enjoying an afternoon chat. The atmosphere was that comfortable. But, a pleasant afternoon visit was not what she was here for, and that fact was brought to the forefront of her mind when, after a few minutes of general pleasantries, Cecilia and her counselor got down to business.

 

"So, how have things been going this past week?"

 

"Pretty good, I think."

 

"No nightmares?" 

 

Cecilia shook her head. "No, not this week. The last one I had was almost two weeks ago. Do you think that means they're over?"

 

"I wish I could tell you yes, but I honestly have no idea. Almost anyone who has lived through a traumatic event, whether it’s sexual assault, or something like a hurricane, will experience nightmares about that happening from time to time. For some it's a one time occurrence, for others it can occur again and again over a period of years. It's impossible for me to predict what will hold true for you."

Cecilia broke eye contact with the woman. “Oh.”

 

The counselor reached over and laid a hand on her patient's arm.

 

"I know they're frightening, these nightmares, and I wish I could give you a more encouraging answer. But, since I can't, the important thing to remember when they occur is that they're just a dream. Nothing more. He can't hurt you like that again. If they frighten you so badly that it seems real again, then by all means pick up the phone, call a friend and talk about it.”

 

With a trace of humor Cecilia questioned, “In the middle of the night?”

 

"Yes. Definitely. That's what friends are for, and you've got many wonderful, supportive people on your side, Cecilia. I'm sure any one of them will be there for you, regardless of the time.” 

 

Cecilia nodded as she thought of Edie, Margaret, Abby, her sister-in-law Pat, and at least half a dozen others. "You're right. I do. I have some wonderful friends. Come to think of it, I probably owe one or two of them a late night phone call."

 

Kay laughed. This was what she liked best about this strong woman. Cecilia's wry sense of humor rarely seemed to leave her.

 

"Well then, I'd say it's time for a pay back. And, Cecilia, you know you can always call me, any time, day or night."

 

Cecilia nodded again. "Yes, Kay, I know."

 

The counselor took a sip of her coffee. "Tell me about some other things. How are you doing with the phone and the door bell?"

 

"I don't seem to startle as easily as I did several weeks ago. It's getting a little better. Some days are harder than others."

 

"Some days will be harder than others for quite some time yet, I'm afraid. That's normal. It sounds like you're making good progress though. Remember when you first came here you told me you were too frightened to answer the door if someone knocked?"

 

"Yes...yes, I guess I was. At least I seem to be past that now."

 

"Good. How is being alone at night going?"

 

"That's still the hardest part. I still go to bed with every light on in the house, and it takes me a long time to fall asleep. This is the first time in all my years without my husband that I've done that. I've never been afraid to be alone at night before. I think my sons are aware of it, too. At least Rick is. I have no doubt he drives by the house most nights, because he keeps asking me if I want him to come and stay with me for a while, or if I want to stay on his boat."

 

"How do you feel about that?"

 

"About Rick's offer, you mean?"

 

"That, and having him stay with you, or you with him."

 

Cecilia smiled. "At first I was a little upset at the thought of Rick doing surveillance on me, but when I calmed down I realized, of course, that it was only done out of love, so how could I be angry? Rick has a very strong sense of protectiveness toward those he loves, especially where A.J. and I are concerned. Jack – my late husband, was like that as well. So, I thanked Rick for his thoughtfulness, kissed him, and told him I loved him, but then told him I'd be fine by myself." Cecilia paused before saying with firmness, "I have to be fine by myself, Kay. I have no other choice. I won’t live with one of my children like some ninety-five year old invalid, and I won’t have one of my grown sons living with me. All three of us are far too independent for that to work. We had enough problems when I stayed at A.J.'s those first two weeks."

 

"Still, maybe having Rick there for just a while would do you some good,” the counselor suggested. “It might help you get back to a normal night-time routine."

 

“Believe me, Kay, some nights I'd like nothing more than just that. I'm just so afraid, though, that if I have Rick come for even one night, I'll never want him to leave again. That I'll become dependent on him being there. That frightens me. That's not the way I want to live the rest of my life. That's not fair to Rick, or to me."

 

“You know a lot about yourself, don't you, Cecilia Simon?"

 

Cecilia chuckled. "Sometimes too much, I'm afraid."

 

The women talked another twenty minutes about Cecilia’s progress in general. Just when Cecilia thought they were wrapping this session up, Kay asked, "How are things going with A.J.?"

 

Cecilia's mouth set in a grim line. For the first time since arriving, she had nothing to offer.

 

“Not so good, I assume," Kay observed.

 

"No...no, not so good," Cecilia said in a voice with

an odd little catch to it. "He's still avoiding me. He hardly ever stops by the house any more, rarely calls, doesn't..." Cecilia let her sentence trail off.

 

"Doesn't come to the family counseling sessions on Monday nights with you and Rick?"

 

Cecilia nodded in answer to that question. In barely a whisper she said, "He just doesn't seem to care."

 

"Cecilia, may I talk to you about A.J. for a couple of minutes? Do you have the time? I know we're usually done by now."

 

"I have the time. You're the one who has a schedule to

keep."

 

The counselor rose to refill their coffee cups. "Not today. My four o'clock appointment canceled, so you're my last patient. How about if you and I having a mother to mother chat?"

 

Cecilia smiled slightly as she agreed. "All right. But your little boy is only four, I don't think he can be causing you near the concern my thirty-eight year old boy is causing me."

 

Again, the resilient sense of humor made Kay laugh. "You're probably right, but let's see what we mothers can come up with concerning A.J., shall we?"

 

The woman handed Cecilia a coffee cup, then reseated herself. "In the first session when I met all three of you, you'll recall that I talked to each of you individually."

 

Cecilia nodded as Kay continued. "I asked you to tell me about each of your sons, and likewise I asked each of them to tell me about you, and about each other. I already knew that your family was very close. Abby had told me that. But, if I had any doubts that she wasn't telling me the truth – often families can appear close to outsiders, when that’s really not the case - those doubts were put to rest that first day. It's obvious that the three of you love each other very much. When I first asked A.J., and then Rick, to describe you to me, to tell me what you're like, they both said nearly the same exact things. They said that you're independent, stubborn, fun to be with, full of life, intelligent, charitable, and a wonderful mother."

 

Cecilia blushed at Kay’s words. She knew her sons loved her, but the extent of their astute observations and the depth of their feelings surprised her.

 

"Anyway, my point is, that when I talked to Rick and A.J. separately, they both said the same things when describing you. Just as you and A.J. said the same things of Rick, and you and Rick said the same things of A.J. There was no doubt in my mind that the three of you know each other extremely well. Which, believe it or not, is not always the case within a family. The things both you and Rick shared with me about A.J., is that he's a caring man, and a man who feels things deeply. That he hurts when others hurt. That he has a good sense of humor, and that he's also stubborn, intense, a bit of a workaholic, a good businessman, and a good athlete. Rick said A.J.’s picky. You said he was a perfectionist, which I took to mean the same thing. You both told me that A.J. was easy to talk to and that he doesn’t hide his feelings. You said of your two sons, A.J. is the one you have always had no problem understanding. The one who has always been an open book to you."

 

"Yes. Until now." 

 

"Until now," Kay agreed. "After that first session, when you and your sons came back a few days later, I was puzzled by A.J. He was the one I thought I'd have the easiest time talking to, based on what you and Rick had told me. I was expecting to hit a roadblock with Rick, just as you had said I might. A.J., as well, had told me that Rick often times does not talk about his feelings. But the roadblock wasn't with Rick; it was with A.J. He maintained a cold exterior for our entire visit. I couldn't get a feel for him at all. At that time I assumed it was just nerves, but the next time the three of you came it was the exact same thing. I might as well have been talking to the wall for all the response I got. A.J. appeared to be angry over having to be here."

 

Cecilia acknowledged softly, "I know."

 

"How many family counseling sessions did he go to on Monday nights?"

 

"Only one. The first one. And that night he was...uncooperative, too. He hasn't come to any since then with Rick and me."

 

"Has he said why?"

 

"Oh, he always has some excuse - usually involving work. That he's working on a case, or meeting a client, or has to wait at the office for a phone call he’s expecting, but I know he’s lying.”

"How do you know that?"

 

"Kay, my youngest son may be somewhat of a workaholic, but never, until now, has A.J. ever let work interfere with the needs of his family. That's why I'm sure these excuses about work and clients are lies. It's obvious to me, as well, just by the tone of his voice. A.J. never could lie to me. But even if I didn't already know all these things, the look on Rick's face says it all. Every Monday night when he picks me up for the session his jaw muscles are clenched as he offers me A.J.'s latest excuse. I'm sure the boys are arguing over this. I can tell Rick is angry with his brother. This past Monday night all Rick would say when I asked him where his brother was, is, ‘A.J. 's an asshole, Mom. Just forget about him tonight.’”

 

Cecilia's eyes filled with tears. "I've heard my sons swear on occasion, but in all the years, and in all the fights, I've never heard either one of them say something like that about the other. Never. Why are we fighting like this? We need to be a family now more than ever. "

 

The counselor plucked a tissue out of the box on the coffee table and handed it to her patient.

 

"Cecilia, this isn't unusual. Often times, just when a family needs to be at its closest, it's at its farthest apart. Stress, tension, sadness, and worry, does this kind of thing to people unfortunately. There's something about this situation that A.J. 's having trouble dealing with. Aside from the obvious, I mean. It seems as if he's trying to run away from whatever it is."

 

"No, not A.J. Not ever. He's always faced his problems head on. Even when he was a little boy."

 

"But his mother has never been raped before, has she? This is a whole new problem. One he never imagined he'd have to face."

 

"I suppose you're right."

 

"I talked to Abby about A.J.,” the counselor confessed. At Cecilia's look of surprise she added, "I don't mean about the way he's handling this. That would be breaking doctor-patient ethics, so to speak. I just asked her in a casual way while we were playing racquetball last week, to tell me a little bit about A.J. I wanted to see how someone would describe him who is a bit more objective than his family. Unfortunately, what she had to offer didn't help. Abby said basically the same things of him that you and Rick had. The main thing that stands out in my mind is that Abby said A.J. is friendly and open, easy to talk to, and a warm individual. I hate to say this, but that's not a side of A.J. I've seen. After talking with him twice, or talking at him rather, that's not the impression I came away with.”  

 

"I just don't understand him lately, Kay. He's so distant. This is not like A.J. Believe me when say I have an equal amount of love for both of my sons. They're both special to me in many different ways, but A.J. and I have always been especially close. He was only ten when his father died, just a young boy. He needed me to help him through that and to tell you the truth I needed him. Rick was already a teenager and gone more than he was at home on some days - you know how teenage boys are. But A.J. was still a child, and he needed two parents. He missed Jack terribly. Then he was just entering his own teen years when Rick left home to strike out on his own. He worked in Mexico for a while, then did some extensive traveling and worked whatever odd jobs he could pick up.  Anyway, that separation was hard on A.J., too. He and Rick had always been close, and after just losing his father just three years earlier, Rick's departure was especially difficult for A.J. to accept. So, for the most part then it was just A.J. and I at home when he was a teenager. I've always attributed that to the closeness we share today. He was such a good kid, Kay. He rarely gave me any problems or cause for concern during those years. Other than an occasional argument over curfew, or some privilege he wanted that I wouldn't allow, we had few of the ups and downs you expect to go through with a teenager." Cecilia paused as she smiled with memory. “None of the problems that I went through with Rick. A.J. seemed to feel that he had to be there for me since his father couldn't be, and since Rick was out on his own."

 

"And it's always been that way since then?" 

 

"Yes, until now, it's always been that way. A.J. and I have always been close. After the...rape first happened, it was A.J. 's house I went and stayed at for two weeks. He insisted. He would have waited on me hand and foot the entire time if I had let him. He didn't even want to go to work. He kept telling me he had a lot of paperwork to catch up on, and needed to do it at home. I made him go to the office though. I knew that was just an excuse to baby-sit me, and I also knew it wouldn't be good for either one of us. It was hard enough as it was. I know I wasn't the best houseguest during that time. I was...moody, to say the least."

 

"That's normal, Cecilia. You know that."

 

"I know. It's just that I said a lot of nasty things to both of my sons during that time that I regret now. Funny thing is, I don't even remember any of them. I just know I said them."

 

"I believe they understand. I know Rick does, based on things he's shared with me. A.J., well--"

 

"A.J. you wouldn't know about, because he doesn't show up to talk to you, is that it?"

 

The counselor simply nodded her head.

 

"Kay, what should I do? How can I get this resolved with my son?"

 

"Have you tried coming right out and asking A.J. what’s bothering him?"

 

"No. I realize now that I should have several weeks ago when I saw him more often, when this behavior on his part first started, but all three of us were just...hurting so much right then, that I let it go. I assumed he'd come to terms with whatever it was. Now I don't see A.J. often enough to ask him. He works hard at avoiding me. I've thought of going to the office and confronting him, but Rick's usually there, too, so that would only make matters worse."

 

"You mean because Rick would interfere?"

 

"No...no, not exactly. Maybe ‘running interference’ would be the more correct term. I already told you that I have no doubt that Rick is angry with A.J. over his recent behavior. I'm just afraid with Rick's temper...and A.J. 's temper, things will only get worse. I'm afraid we'll push A.J. farther away." Cecilia paused for a moment in thought, then revealed, "There have been times throughout the years when Rick's had to be a father to A.J. Or maybe ‘chosen to be a father to A.J.’ would be a better way of phrasing it. He doesn't do it very often, but when he feels A.J. needs to be told off like a father would tell off a son, he'll do it. I'm afraid if I give Rick cause to do that now, it will drive a permanent wedge between the boys."

 

"Does A.J. normally mind when Rick does that?"

 

"No, not really. He usually ignores Rick, or yells right back at him. I can't say I've heard Rick do it too often since they've both reached adulthood. It occurred more often when A.J. was a teenager. If Rick was home visiting for a few weeks and A.J. would answer me with a smart remark or something like that, Rick would take it upon himself to tell his brother that he was not to talk to me like that. A.J. always listened to him, too. Maybe not without getting angry over it, but he listened. And there were good things, too, Kay, that Rick did for his brother, things that a father would do for a son. He taught A.J. to drive, helped him tear apart his first car and rebuild it; answered the questions about sex that A.J. wasn't comfortable asking me - good things like that. Things that made them closer than they might have been had Jack been living then. I just hate to see that closeness jeopardized now. That's why I don't want to involve Rick if I can help it."

 

The counselor mulled over Cecilia's words.

 

"Cecilia, I suggest you confront A.J. about all of this. That's the only way you're going to arrive at the root of it. There's nothing wrong with telling A.J. he's hurting you, and making you angry. There's nothing wrong with demanding an explanation from him. If you don't want to talk to him in front of Rick, then do it at his home, or at yours, where ever you think might work best. The bottom line is, that in order to find out what's wrong, you're going to have to ask. You told me two weeks ago that you were sure A.J. would come to you eventually and want to discuss this, but it just doesn't look like that's going to happen."

 

Cecilia nodded in reluctant agreement. "You know, Kay, when we started counseling this was the last thing I ever imagined I'd encounter - A.J. being unwilling to help. He was so sweet, so helpful those first few weeks. Now this. I just don't get it."

 

"Did this behavior start when the counseling sessions started?" 

 

"Yes. Yes, it did, now that you mention it. He was fine up until then. Ironically enough, both A.J. and Rick encouraged me to seek counseling. They told me I had to. It was only after the boys found out that they had to be involved, too, in order for me to get into your program, that this started with A.J. Thinking about it now, I can say he seemed a little...tense over the whole idea, but to tell you the truth, I had too many concerns of my own at that time to take much notice of his reaction. Right after we came to see you that first time was when it started to escalate."

 

"So we're right back where we started. There's something about the assault that A.J. doesn't want to talk about, and he's fearful it will come out in one of these sessions. At least, that's my guess."

 

"But what could it be?"

 

The counselor stood, collected Cecilia’s empty coffee cup, and put it and her own cup on the beverage tray.

 

"I don't know. That's what you'll have to ask him. A.J. is your son. You know him best."

 

"I thought I did," Cecilia said softly as she, too, rose. She said good-bye to her counselor and thanked her for her time.

 

Cecilia traversed the quiet hallways and exited the building with her mind full of worries and unanswered questions. At this point she didn't even know where to begin in an effort to get A.J. to communicate with her. She'd been in this position with her youngest son before.  With Rick - yes, there had been times when she had to work hard to get him to reveal what he was thinking or feeling, but with A.J., never that Cecilia could recall.

 

The woman unlocked her car door and got inside. She eased in to rush hour traffic, her concerns for A.J. pushed aside for the moment as she concentrated on her driving.

 

________________

 

Four days after Cecilia's visit with her counselor, her sons were seated at their desks in the Simon and Simon office. A.J. 's head was bent over a stack of files he was studying. Rick, on the other hand, was ignoring his own stack of files as he sat scrutinizing his brother. The older Simon glanced at his watch and saw it was ten minutes to five. He made a noisy production of clearing off his desk. He slammed drawers as he put things away, and then walked to the coat rack to retrieve his field jacket. A.J. never looked up as all of this was going on, and was seemingly oblivious to it.

 

Rick slipped on his jacket, and then stood by his brother's desk. After a long minute of silence had passed, Rick knew he was being ignored.

 

"It's five o'clock."

 

A.J. glanced up briefly, before returning his attention to his papers. "You go ahead, I've got some work to do here yet."

 

"A. J., it's Monday night." 

 

"I realize that."

 

"Then you also realize it’s family counseling night at the center. Let's go, we have to pick up Mom."

 

"I'm not going."

 

"Oh, and what's your excuse this week?" 

 

A.J. stood and leaned forward, resting his knuckles on his desktop. "I don't have an excuse, Rick. I have a reason. A good reason. I have to get this work done."

 

"A.J., that's not even a good lie, damn it! What's the matter, are you runnin' short of fibs for me to pass on to Mom?"

 

"I'm not lying, and I don't much care what you tell Mom!"

 

"Well you damn well better start caring, pal! That woman is your mother."

 

"Rick, would you just get outta here and leave me alone! I've got better things to do than--”

 

"Than help our mother?” Rick questioned as his face burned red with fury. “You've got better things to do than be there for our mother, is that it, A.J.?"

 

Flustered, A.J. turned away from his brother. "No...I...no. That's not what I was going to say. I've just...I’ve got this work that has to be done."

 

"And that's more important than Mom?"

 

"No...yes...no,” A.J. stammered as he turned to face his irate sibling. “It's not more important than Mom, it just has to be done that's all."

 

"That's a crock of shit and you know it!" 

 

The brothers glared at one another before A.J. finally reseated himself at his desk. He ignored Rick while opening a manila file folder.

 

Just as quickly as A.J. had opened the folder, Rick reached down and slammed it shut.

 

"Rick!"

 

"You're gonna listen to what I have to say, A.J., and you're gonna listen good. That woman who was violated, who was raped, is our mother! Our mother! She's not some stranger you read about in the papers, she's the lady who diapered our rear ends and wiped our noses. She's got a face, A.J., and she's got a

name. And whether you like it or not, her name is Simon, just like yours. Now for whatever reason you don't wanna be there for her. Well, you just better start thinkin’ of all the times she's been there for you! You better start rememberin' the day when you were six and you fell against the grill when Dad was cooking and burnt your hand. Mom stayed up with you all night 'cause you were

hurtin' so bad. Or the time when you were seventeen and Anita broke up with you. Mom was there to listen to you, and talk to you when you needed someone to pour your heart out to, and--"

 

"Rick, look, I don't want--"

 

"I don't much care what you want, damn it! You're gonna to listen to me!" Rick shouted. "Our mother's devotion didn't end when we turned eighteen either. Maybe you need to be reminded of that fact. Five years ago when you had pneumonia, our mother sat by your bedside in that hospital for two straight days and listened to every breath you struggled to take. She struggled right along with you, A.J. And last year, when that drunk driver plowed into your car, she cried in my arms and said over and over again, ‘Not A.J. Not my A.J.,’ when the doctors told us you might not pull through. She didn't sleep for almost four days. She turned away from you and cried every time she knew a doctor or nurse was doing something to you that was painful. She was there for you, A.J. And now you tell me you can't be there for her. I just don't get it. What the hell is your problem?"

 

"I don't have a problem!" A.J. shouted back. "Just get out of here and I let me work!"

 

At that moment Rick Simon was so furious that he feared if this conversation progressed he and his brother would come to blows. That hadn't happened very often in their lives, only once or twice when they were kids that he could recall, and once as young adults in an argument involving Vietnam. Rick knew that if he didn't get a rein on his temper that was going to happen again. Although for just a split second Rick thought that pounding some sense into his younger brother was what he needed to do, he then thought of how such an incident would only further hurt their mother. The last thing she needed right now was to find out that her grown sons had gotten into a fist fight like a couple of school children squabbling over a toy.

 

With those thoughts in mind, Rick turned on his heel and headed for the door. As he opened it he turned around. A.J. didn't look up as Rick stared at him from across the room.

 

When he broke the tense silence, Rick said, "You know, A.J., there has never been a time in my life when I haven't been proud to call you brother. But the past couple of weeks is changin' all that. Maybe you don't care about that fact, but I sure as hell do."

 

With that, Rick turned and exited the room while quietly shutting the office door behind him.

 

________________

 

 

The headlights of Cecilia's Mercedes Benz flashed briefly on Rick's Power Wagon as he pulled the car into his mother's driveway. Cecilia hit the button on the automatic garage door opener that rested on the dashboard.  Rick eased off the gas a bit as he drove the vehicle into the garage.

 

Rick handed his mother her key ring as they exited the garage through the side service door and walked out into the quiet Monday night darkness.

 

"Rick, why don't you come in for a little while?" Cecilia suggested as her son walked her to the kitchen door. "I made your favorite today, angel food cake with Hershey bar frosting."

 

Rick could hardly refuse that offer as his mouth watered at the thought of the cake that had been a favorite of his since childhood. Especially when his mother melted Hershey candy bars and mixed them with whipped cream to make a candy-like frosting.

 

"I don't think I could say no to that if I wanted to," Rick said with a smile as he followed his mother in to the kitchen. "It sounds great, but you didn't have to go to all that trouble just for me."

 

On impulse, Cecilia turned and wrapped her arms around her oldest son. "It was no trouble. I wanted to do it."

 

Rick was caught off guard by his mother's tight embrace, but returned her hug wholeheartedly with one of his own.

 

"Whatever you say, Mom."

 

As Cecilia took two dessert plates out of a cabinet and began cutting the cake, Rick poured himself and his mother a cup of coffee.

 

Cecilia walked over to the kitchen table and set the plates beside the cups. She and Rick each pulled out a chair and sat down.

 

Rick took his first big bite and said after he had

Swallowed, “Mmmm, Mom, this is terrific. You really out did yourself this time."

 

Cecilia smiled. "I was planning on making a chocolate cake today since both of you boys like that - you know how A.J. hates

angel food - but then I figured he wouldn't show up tonight anyway, so I went ahead and made this one just for you."

 

Rick studied his mother a moment before giving his reply.

 

"Well, I'm glad you did. You haven't made an angel food cake since my birthday. I'd forgotten how good one of these things is."

 

Cecilia and Rick made small talk over their dessert. Rick got up and cut himself another slice when he had polished off the first one.

 

"Mom, do you wanna another piece?" Rick asked.

 

"No, honey. No. I'll get fat."

 

"You will not. You're still as tiny as you were the day

Dad married you."

 

"Oh, that's not quite true, Rick. I have put on a few pounds since then."

 

Rick bent and kissed his mother's cheek as he walked by her on his way to retake his seat. "Well, you look great. I think you can have one more piece of cake."

 

Cecilia laughed. "I don't need one more piece of cake, sweetheart. I'm sending the rest of that cake home with you tonight. I don't need the temptation here, and a few extra pounds won't hurt you. You're too thin."

 

"You always say that," Rick replied as he started eating on his second piece of cake.

 

"That's because it's true. You've always been all arms and legs, even when you were just a little boy. I remember when you were about thirteen or fourteen and just starting to go through the growth spurts that all teenaged boys do, I used to tell your father ‘I sure hope the rest of Rick's body catches up with his arms and legs one of these days!’”

 

Rick smiled. "Yeah, I was a pretty ugly kid back then."

 

"No you weren’t. You just had that gangly look about you that many boys have at that age."

 

Rick smiled again, this time in fondness of his mother's defense of his awkward, teenage looks.

 

Cecilia and Rick talked a few minutes longer about things that didn't really matter. When the conversation died out, Rick asked quietly, "So, how'd you think things went tonight?"

 

"Pretty good, I guess," Cecilia stated as she looked down at the table.

 

Rick knew it wasn't easy for his mother to talk about the rape, or about the counseling sessions she attended alone now on Thursdays, and the ones they attended together on Monday nights. Not for the first time since this had all happened, Rick found himself wishing his mother had a daughter to discuss some of this with. It would probably be easier for her than the only option she did have - two sons.

 

Rick pushed his empty plate aside and leaned back in his chair. "I think some good things were aired tonight, don't you?"

 

Cecilia knew Rick meant good things in general, not necessarily anything she had said, but things various women in the group and some of their family members had contributed. She had been unusually quiet tonight, and was well aware that Rick had noticed that fact.

 

"Yes. Yes, I think some...helpful things were said."

 

Silence lingered in the kitchen for a few minutes, the only sound in the room being that of the cuckoo clock ticking on the wall.

 

Rick fiddled with his coffee cup a moment, then asked,

"Mom, is there something you'd like to talk about? You've been pretty quiet tonight. Too quiet. Is there something on your mind I can help you with?"

 

Cecilia smiled her love at her oldest child. He'd been so wonderful, so supportive this last month. It wasn't normally like Rick to be this patient. He was the type of person who didn't believe in beating around the bush. When Rick Simon wanted answers, he wanted them right now. Therefore, Cecilia knew this loving patience Rick had shown toward her these past weeks was not easy for him. He'd been so good about allowing her the space she needed to deal with her anger and fear, then seeming to sense when she was ready for him to step in and help her tread through it. Just as he was doing right now.

 

"Mom?"

 

"Rick, I...I'm very upset with A.J., and I'm trying hard to deal with that. Tonight it just kind of hit home, I guess, when I saw all those women with their closest family members beside them at counseling. It just really hurt that one of my family members was missing."

 

"I know, Mom. I'm a little...upset with A.J. myself right now."

 

Cecilia's eyes filled with unshed tears. "Why, Rick? Why is he doing this? Why is he acting this way? He just isn't my A.J. anymore."

 

Rick reached over and squeezed his mother's hand. "I don't know, Mom. I can't get him to talk to me about it at all. When I do try to discuss it with him, we end up getting in a shouting match and sayin’ some pretty rotten things to each other."

 

Cecilia nodded her understanding. Rick's words confirmed what she had already suspected was true. She reached up and wiped at her eyes.

 

"You've been so wonderful these last few weeks, honey. I love you so much for that, but I need A.J., too. I need both of you. Why can't he see that?"

 

Again, Rick had no answer other than a frustrated, "I don't know, Mom."

 

"The one thing I keep remembering through all of this, Rick, was when you were at the V.A. hospital last year, and then the counseling you went to after you were out. A.J. kept telling me that you needed us. That you needed your family no matter how hard you tried to push us away. I can still remember him telling a counselor there that the three of us had always worked together to help whichever one of us was in need. A.J. was so proud when he said that, Rick. He was so proud of our little family. That's why I'm so confused by how he's acting now."

 

Rick didn't make a reply to his mother's words, but instead just nodded as he reflected on his own hard times of a year

Earlier, and how his younger brother had stood steadfastly beside him.

 

"I talked to Kay about all of this last Thursday. About these problems with A.J. She suggested that I confront him about them, and let him know exactly how he's making me feel."

 

"I guess it's long overdue, isn't it?"

 

"Yes, I guess so," Cecilia replied. “I just don't understand any of it. I know A.J. well enough to know that he really does care. He's putting up a...front for some reason, and I can't figure out why. I know how hard this must be for you boys. I know how hard--"

 

Rick squeezed his mother's hand as he interrupted her and firmly ordered; "Don't use that as an excuse for A.J.'s behavior, Mom. For as hard as all of this has been for us, it's been a hundred times as hard for you. A.J. knows that. There's no reason for him not to be here with us tonight.”

"I know that. It's just that...well, I do understand how difficult this is for you and your brother. We've all had to discuss things recently we never imagined we would. I've had to say things...very private things...in front of my sons that I never dreamed I'd have to. You both have had to hear things...discuss things with doctors about your mother that I know neither one of you in your wildest dreams ever thought you'd be hearing or discussing."

 

"Yeah...yeah, I suppose that's true." 

 

"Kay talked to me for quite a while the other day about A.J. She told me how frustrating she found him to be at the few sessions he came to, simply because she couldn't get a feel for his personality. Couldn't find the qualities in him that you and I, and later Abby, had told her are so much a part of him. She said he seemed so angry to have to be there...at counseling, I mean. But then Kay told me something that confirmed the one thing that I've suspected all along about this being some type of a front, or act, on A. J. 's part."

 

"What did she tell you?" 

 

"She told me that the one and only thing A.J. said about the assault was something like, ‘I was so naive as to never have imagined that a woman as warm and loving as my mother could ever be raped. When I think about it, about what he did to her, how he hurt her physically and emotionally, it makes me furious. It makes me so mad that I can hardly stand it. It makes me sick. If I'd have gotten the chance, I really think I